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Sunday, June 27, 2004

Nebraska Rethug busted for concealed weapon and prescription fraud
Nebraska State Senator Ray Mossey was arrested Friday on charges of prescription fraud and carrying a concealed weapon. Mossey, age 36, is a former police officer and sheriff's deputy. Read about his travails here, here and here.
Scientists clean up on taxpayer-funded research
The National Institute of Health is a federal government agency, funded by U.S. taxpayers, whose mission is to conduct a wide range of research into medical and health issues. Now, it appears some NIH researchers have been double-dipping, working in a government-funded lab during the day, passing on the fruits of their labor and expertise to Big Pharma and biotechnology companies on their off time. The government, of course, has rules that clearly regulate any paid collaborations between employees and private industry. In NIH's case, those rules appear to have been ignored. Read about NIH's re-direction from government agency to private business money-maker here. AJ M is my source for this story and we'll be carrying some other examples of his research into Republican boondoggling this week. You go, AJ!
Mr. Responsibility claims his share of Enron debacle
In a move that's bound to have his attorney chugging Maalox, Ken Lay has given the New York Times an in-depth interview about his role in the Enron scandal. "I take full responsibility for what happened at Enron. But saying that, I know in my mind that I did nothing criminal," Lay told the Times. To which we at the Felonious Elephant and, probably, the U.S. Department of Justic, say, "Bullshit!" Lay even goes so far as to claim that his close ties to Prances on Aircraft Carriers will now work against him as he locks lips with the justice system. Read this steaming pile of horse crap here.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Judge just wants to...pump it up!
Jack Ryan isn't the only Republican dealing with a sex scandal right now. Sapulpa District, Oklahoma, Judge Donald D. Thompson is facing a petition from the state's Attorney General to remove him from office. Why? Well, it seems Judge Thompson is in the habit of using a penis pump on himself while he's holding court. Brings a totally new meaning to the phrase "Here come de Judge!", doesn't it? This is a fucking hilarious story and I have to praise EP V of the Daily Beast for sending this one to me. Read about Judge Thompson going through the motions here, here and here. Apparently there are plenty of witnesses to the judge's behavior, including his clerk and trial participants over the years.
Ryan quits Senate race
Chicago Republican Jack Ryan formally bowed out of this year's race for the U.S. Senate a few minutes ago. Ryan quit the race after embarrassing allegations about his sex life with former wife Jeri Ryan came to light in state newspapers. The state's Republican Party deserted Ryan almost immediately when it learned that Jeri Ryan had accused him of trying to force her to have sex with him in swinger clubs in New Orleans, New York and Paris. Read about it here, here and here.
Fluffy, you haff been terminated
America's favorite Teutonic politician has pet lovers steaming mad. Der Oktoputz, Colly-for-nee-ah Republican Gov. Ahnuld Schwarzenegger, has recommended a budget reduction plan for the state's animal shelters -- change the law so the pets in the shelters can be snuffed in three days instead of the current requirement of six days. The three-day courtesy would only be extended to dogs and cats. Birds, hamsters, pot-bellied pigs, rabbits, snakes and turtles could be eliminated immediately. Read about Schwarzenegger's declaration of war on pets here. You would think that a man from a culture deeply implicated in the Holocaust would be a bit hesitant to appear eager to round living things up and kill them in a grim institutional setting.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Unca Dick has a potty mouth
Who woulda thought that our Vice-President has the vocabulary of a longshoreman? I'm sure you're just as shocked as I am to hear about this. It seems Unca Dick jumped on Sen. Pat Leahy earlier this week concerning comments the Vermont Democrat made about Unca Dick's Halliburton Corp. and its no-bid contracts to reconstruct Iraq. When Leahy didn't immediately kiss Unca Dick's ass (hey, we all know I've got a potty mouth), Unca Dick told the senator to either "Fuck off" or simply "Fuck you." There are witnesses to the event. Read about it here.
Velella gets a year in the can
Former New York Republican power broker Guy Velella will spend a year in jail after being convicted of conspiring to take bribes from people seeking to do business with the state. Here's what Judge Joan Sudolnik had to say to Velella before she sentenced him: "It has been said that this case is a tragedy, but it is a tragedy, not for the defense, but for the voters and taxpayers. We can ill afford further erosion of public trust." Check it out here.
Another Utah GOP pol is on a mission from God
Mormons -- if the Southern Baptists aren't doing stupid things, you can turn to these guys for copy. Mike Thompson of Orem literally thought God was on his side in his primary race for the state legislature. God, however, in keeping with His well-known bipartisan leanings, left Thompson holding the bag this week as the self-proclaimed "chosen one" lost the primary by over 300 votes. Thompson is claiming electoral misdeeds by person or persons unknown for his loss. He may be onto something. Just before the election, someone plastered mailboxes throughout Orem with letters Thompson wrote in the 1980s.

In the letters, Thompson excoriated city officials for not supporting his candidacy for a city council seat. Thompson -- I am not making this up -- told his readers that he had been chosen by God to save the U.S. Constitution. He even included copies of a personal letter he received from LDS President Ezra Taft Benson as evidence of his divine predestination. What's really scary is that this whack-job went on to be elected to the Orem city council and to the state legislature. Hopefully, this week's election results mean God's in his house and all's right with the world. Read about it here.
Utah Republican polls 100% after primary opponent caught in sex sting
Aaron Tilton, a Republican challenger for a Utah state legislature seat, gathered 100% of the GOP vote in his primary this week. Tilton maxed out his vote because the incumbent he was running against quit the race last month. Why did Calvin Bird drop out? Because word got out that he had been arrested for soliciting a police prostitute decoy in Salt Lake City. Read about it here.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Sex club romps pole-axe Senatorial campaign
Illinois Republican Jack Ryan already faced a fierce opponent in Barack Obama for this year's U.S. Senate race. But details from his past may have dealt Ryan's campaign a death blow. Remember the blonde babe in the skin-tight body suit from one of the more recent Star Trek series? Her name is Jerri Ryan and she is the ex-Mrs. Jack Ryan. When she and the would-be senator divorced a few years back, she testified under oath that Ryan had taken her to sex clubs in three different cities and tried to get her to have sex with him in front of other people. She reportedly refused point blank. Details of those incidents surfaced this week when a judge unsealed the records from the divorce. Read about it here, here and here.

Monday, June 21, 2004

You need your Daily Beast!
"Can't be herded; won't be leashed!" That's the ethos underlying The Daily Beast, a new blog offering political news, satire and ways for you to strike back. My God, I think I'm in love! Anyway, feast with the Beast here and make it a daily stop for all your animalistic political needs. But we've only begun to put on the dog! You'll find lots of Republican stuff for you to poop on at The Daily Brute, which will be starting operation within mere days. Please visit both sites frequently!
Ohio Rethug charged with cheating clients
In 1996 Claire "Buzz" Ball pled guilty to 30 misdemeanor counts after trying to rig a Republican Party primary in order to gain the chairmanship of the county party. He paid a $50,000 fine and restitution. Buzz Ball hasn't been idle since then. He lost his law license in 1998 for two years for unethical behavior. Now, he's accused of illegally soliticing money from clients and depriving them of their constitutional rights. This guy has got to be our Republican of the Week. Read more about Buzz here.
Arizona sheriff resurrects rape allegations against opponent
Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio has been the darling of right-wing circles for years thanks to his vicious treatment of prisoners unlucky or stupid enough to find their way into his jail. But Arpaio doesn't reserve the below-the-belt treatment for law-breakers. He also treats his political opponents the same way. Dan Saban, a retired Mesa police officer running against Arpaio this year, found that out the hard way recently when Arpaio sent detectives to take a statement from Saban's stepmother, who claims Saban raped her years ago. The allegation was then leaked to the local press. Saban's stepmother comes across as a loon in her public statements and it's interesting that Saban and his siblings cut off contact with her years ago. In the meantime, the local district attorney promptly deep-sixed the claim against Saban, citing lack of evidence. But where does Dan Saban go to get his reputation back? Ponder that while you read about Joe Arpaio's slime assault here.
Rowland throws in the towel
Connecticut Gov. John Rowland is calling it quits, one step ahead of a grand jury and impeachment by the state legislature. Rowland, a Republican, has been mired in a scandal involving his ties to businessmen trying to win state contracts. His attempt to avoid testifying to a legislative committee folded last week when a court ruled he did not have executive privilege to avoid any subpoena the committee might issue him. Read about the fall of a dirty Rethug here.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Flynt nearly nabbed Bush on girlfriend's abortion
How close did Larry Flynt come to proving that Prances on Aircraft Carriers forced a girlfriend to have an abortion? Close enough that he nearly held a press conference during the 2000 election campaign, but not close enough to ignore his attorney's warnings of a libel action. This L.A. Weekly article follows Larry down the rabbit hole, documenting what coulda been if Flynt had only nailed down a few more details.
Unca Dick leaves a trail of mud
There were reports on the wire today that Richard "Unca Dick" Cheney, Vice-President of the United States, ordered military officials to shoot down all commercial airliners that encroached on the airspace above the District of Columbia on Sept. 11, 2001. The military, using unaccustomed good judgment, ignored Cheney's order. But Unca Dick is still facing some trouble for, you guessed it, his business dealings as head of Halliburton. Did he steer $180 million worth of bribes toward the Nigerian government in the late 1990s? Well, a French judge has spent a year investigating the allegations. Now, the SEC has opened its own inquiry into Halliburton's actions in the case. Read about it in detail here.
Rummy admits to hiding prisoner
Now this is something bizarre. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld admitted today that he directly issued orders to hide the existence of an Iraqi prisoner from the International Committee of the Red Cross. This is a direct violation of the Geneva Convention. That makes Rumsfeld -- ta-da! -- an international war criminal. But that's okay, you see, because Rummy only acted at the behest of departing CIA chief George Tenet and the unnamed captive is being treated humanely, ya, you betcha. Read about it here. God alone only knows how many other detainees are also being hidden from sight.

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Bugman faces ethics charges
The shoe is apparently fixin' to drop on House Majority Leader Tom "Bugman" DeLay. The Texas Republican is the subject of three ethics complaints filed by Texas Congressman Chris Bell who, thanks to the Bugman's machinations, is being gerrymandered out of office after this term. Democrat Bell is complaining that the Bugman did legislative favors for a major corporate contributor, laundered other contributions to help out other Texas Republicans and unlawfully forcing the FAA to track down a planeload of Texas House Dems who fled the state last year in an effort to trip up DeLay's forced re-districting of his home state. What is particularly amazing about this AP story on the ethics charges is the unstated, but heavily implied, claim that Bell is simply being a bad sport. Piss-poor reporting from an outfit that can do better and usually does.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

It's moroning in America
After a week-long bout of national necrophilia involving Ronald Reagan's flag-draped coffin, readers might want to remember that one of Reagan's enduring legacies was the criminalization of Republican politics. For all the heat and anger involving Bill Clinton and his penis, Reagan's law and order Republicanism led to over 130 White House staffers being led out in handcuffs during his administration. You may have forgotten that lousy ethical track record, but William Rivers Pitt hasn't and he's got a great round-up of the Reagan criminal syndicate here. You can find a brief review of the Iran-Contra Affair here.
Rethug pol dies during North Carolina vacation
My home state of North Carolina is a great place to visit, but we really would prefer that the millions of people who do return home safe and sound. That didn't happen for George Blackburn "Buffy" Warner of West Virginia, who died after a fall on his yacht moored on the Outer Banks island of Ocracroak...no, Ocracoke. This wasn't the first time the former state senator from West Virginia had trouble during a North Carolina visit. In 2003, Warner pled guilty in North Carolina to possession of rolling papers, which for some odd reason is treated as a liquor law violation here. In doing so, Warner avoided felony charges of cocaine possession and a misdemeanor charges of marijuana possession. Read his obituary here. Warner owned and ran a fantastic restaurant in Ocracoke called Howard's Pub. I highly recommend it if you're ever on the island. Visit the Howard's Pub web site here.
Ohio supreme court justice faces investigation
Ohio Supreme Court Justice Terrence O'Donnell faces an investigation into his use of a state car for personal business while billing the state for the mileage accrued on those trips. O'Donnell apparently fell afoul of a notorious gadfly who has spent years accusing various Ohio judges of crimes (and, in a few instances, proving it). O'Donnell apparently used his state car and state gas credit card for a trip to a motor speedway and to a Republican Party social function. Read about O'Donnell's troubles here.
Pigboy kicks the Lovely Marta to the curb
In a stunning display of Republican family values, Rush Limbaugh has decided to disband his. The hefty loudmouth has filed for a divorce from his third wife, Marta. No reasons were cited publicly for why Pigboy has decided to ditch his beard...er, wife. Read about it here.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

More naughty language from those imps at Enron
Holy guacamole, Bullwinkle, those energy traders at Enron sure used salty language when they gloated over their open manipulation of energy markets in California back in the salad days of 2001. Read it for yourself here. Notice how much they enjoyed the idea of ripping off an entire state. How did Gray Davis ever let himself get run out of office by not standing up to these jerks?
Thou shalt not stiff thy neighbor
Larry Klayman, the loony right-wing fundamentalist running for U.S. Senate in Florida, is being hauled into court for failure to pay his bills. Fabrizio, McLaughlin & Associates, Inc., has sued Klayman for $60,000. The polling firm says the Republican challenger hasn't paid for a poll it did for him in September -- a poll of 850 Republican primary voters. Let's see...that's about...uhmmm...$71 per interviewee. Who got hosed in this deal? Decide for yourself here.
Hey, it's only a legal opinion!
What kind of democracy allows its leadership to practice torture on captured enemy? Only in George Bush's America has this practice become codified and given legal stature. That offensive fact may be why Attorney General John "King Crisco" Ashcroft refused yesterday to cough up a Defense Department memo setting forth legal grounds for torture of captives. The Congressional committee demanding the memo was not amused. Luckily, Newsweek and some other media sources have already gotten their hands on the memo. Read it for yourself here. You can read about King Crisco and his stiff-arming of Congress here. The Seattle Post Intelligencer has it all wrapped up in an editorial nutshell here.
What is the Gipper's legacy?
It was a given that the moment Ronald Reagan drew his last breath, the Vichy corporate media would be bursting a collective vein to memorialize the dead President. After all, if they could whitewash Nixon after he died, the sky was the limit. The last day or so, however, has brought some backlash against the sanctification of St. Ronald. You can find some of these less adulatory assessments of his Presidency here, here, here, here and here. I have also posted a thread in Felonious Elephant Rants asking you whether you thought Reagan was a hero, a fallible human being or a schmuck. Feel free to discuss your opinion of Reagan there.

Monday, June 07, 2004

Rethug auditor admits theft, resigns
Salt Lake County, Utah, auditor Craig Sorensen has left the building, resigning his position after he admitted to theft. Ironically, Sorensen took his dive after 25 years of dodging complaints from county officials and others that he spent more time running a family business than doing his job as auditor. Sorensen's predecessor but one also left office one step ahead of the law. Salt Lake County is a rough place to play politics, apparently. Read more here.
GOP pol says speeding arrest never happened
Debra Louise Brimhall, a former Republican state house member in Arizona, is known for her incoherence, her bluster and her campaign-funded Xena, Warrior Princess, outfit. Brimhall showed that she has the usual respect for law and order that we've come to expect from Law & Order Rethugs recently when she was stopped for speeding away from the scene of a Country Thunder concert. Brimhall claimed she was still in the legislature (she's not; she left in 2002). When that didn't fly with the cops, she told the Arizona Republic's Insider that the incident never happened. Nevertheless, she faces charges of speeding, lying to an officer and impersonating a public official. Read about it here.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Jeb Bush orders purge of voter rolls
Gearing up for Selection 2004, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush has ordered a surprise purge of 40,000 to 50,000 people from the state's voter rolls. But the Republican governor may be facing some unexpected resistance within his own party. CNN has sued to force Bush to release the purge list. Read it for yourself here and here and here.
Sprechen Sie dumbass?
I've mentioned uberkook North Carolina Republican Vernon Robinson here before. Robinson, who is currently running for Congress on an anti-immigrant platform, saw his latest campaign ads jerked from stations in the Winston-Salem area recently. Apparently, Vernon used the following comment in Spanish in his ad: "Yo, gringo, this episode of 'The Twilight Zone' was paid for by Robinson for Congress." WSJS-AM later ran the ad once the Spanish disclaimer had been translated back into English. Read more about Vernon's ad problems here.

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Mr. Bush meets with mouthpiece
As promised earlier, here's the CBS News story about the President retaining legal counsel. There's more on ABC News and New York Times/AP.
King of Hair stumps for Prances on Aircraft Carriers
If having boxing promoter Don King campaigning for you isn't a clear sign that you're circling the toilet bowl, nothing is. The as-yet-unconvicted thug with the scary hair is touring the U.S. with equally thuggish RNC Chairman Ed Gillespie to sing the praises of the schmuck in the Oval Office. "People understand that George Walker Bush is the man with the plan to make America better," King averred during a stop in Philadelphia this week. If, as King contends, Bush has a plan to make America better, then why hasn't he put it into effect during the past four years? Smoke that one over while you read more of Don King's pearls of wisdom here.
Enron traders made fun of California rape
In another coup for CBS News, the network has released tapes of Enron energy traders yukking it up about their manipulation of California's energy markets in 2001's rolling black-outs. Here's a sample of what the boys in the backroom were saying at the time: "Just cut 'em off. They're so f----d. They should just bring back f-----g horses and carriages, f-----g lamps, f-----g kerosene lamps." I know I'm laughing my ass off right now; how about you? Read more of this digusting shit here.
Dems call for federal probe of Cheney/Halliburton
In other White House criminal news, House Democrats are demanding that a special counsel be appointed to investigate whether Unca Dick didn't play fair when he helped Halliburton get a huge no-bid contract to reconstruct Iraq. Check out their request here.
BREAKING NEWS: Prances on Aircraft Carriers retains counsel
That's right, Fearless Leader is lawyering up! CBS News is reporting tonight that George W. Bush has retained legal counsel as part of the investigation into who leaked Valerie Plame's name to evil incarnate/Thuggie columnist Robert Novak. I'll have a link to this story whenever CBS News decides to post it on their web site. Hoo-hah!!

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